Title
In Process
Poetry/Photography
Description
Paula Duva-Rodriguez’s In Process is a hybrid of poetry and photography centered on the subject of cyclical trauma and its effects on mental health during the times of COVID-19. There is emphasis on the unspoken sides of mental illness. Laziness, filth, gluttony, guilt, violence — experiences I have endured. That is why the language is so crude at times. However, there is a rebirth that develops throughout the collection. A realization that healing is a continuous process. Content Warnings are in the PDF above.
Content Warnings
This collection is very crude. There is a deep anger that I felt during quarantine, especially at myself. This collection ended up being super cathartic for me, but in order to reach said catharsis, I had to pour out a lot of myself into it. There’s swearing, sexual content, suicidal ideation; it’s a difficult read. However, speckles of hope exist, especially in my personal self-realization. Overall, it is not very accessible to those of a really young age at all.
I will divide content warnings by what pertains to each poem.
i. An Introduction To Trauma
Contains swearing. e.g “Piss”
Contains derogatory language towards Christianity. e.g. “Piss on the floor, Piss Christ says there is no God.”, “My wet denim with its holy scripture speaks of pain’s evolution” (implies a holy text made of urine).
ii. Lice Graveyard
Contains descriptions of blood and corpses, All pertaining to dead lice.
iii. Dear Diary,
Contains description of sexual content. e.g. “Circle jerk with alcohol as lube”.
iv. Premature Tomb
Contains swearing. e.g. “Fuck you for being here, and fuck me for being complicit”
v. Chop Chop Motherfucker!
Contains swearing. e.g. “Motherfucker”
Contains description of emotional abuse. Contains descriptions of mental illness. e.g. “Rotting in bed”
Cynicism about living.
vi. Drunk
Contains description of suicidal ideation and mental illness. e.g. “We live. Do we want to? No, but it’s whatever I guess.”
Contains swearing. e.g. “Fucking”, “Piss”.
vii. Late Afternoons
Contains one word about a sexual act. e.g. “BDSM”.
i. In reference to the flowers tying the girl to the bed.
Contains description of mental illness. Contains (metaphorical) description of death by COVID. Contains swearing. e.g.“Pussy blood bed”.
viii. Childhood
Contains swearing: “Piss”
Biography
Paula is currently a junior at Michigan State University getting a Bachelor’s of Music in Vocal Performance and a Bachelor’s of Arts in English. Paula has been into poetry since elementary school and began seriously writing poetry during high school. In her writings, she is inspired by the body — especially as it pertains to sexuality — in literature.
Reflection
Receiving the Microgrant helped me to afford to get portraits taken of me! While the photos are supplementary to the poetry rather than a standalone, it helps enhance my collection.
The process of creating my project through COVID was nuts in both a positive and negative way. The biggest lesson I learned from this project was to prepare myself for the creation of any art. This was a very cathartic experience but also scary because I had to look deeper into myself than I have at any other point in my life. As a result, I put off the work until two months after the due date. However, regardless of my late turn in, I am proud of my work. I also learned that creative freedom is euphoric. Developing the courage to be crude, nasty, and sad made the work more beautiful in my opinion. As I write this, I wonder if my work is ‘too much’ for this project, but regardless, it is a reflection of mental illness. Suffering, especially during COVID, is not exclusive to any individual. The main thing is to truck through as hard as you can.
I believe that CAL students would definitely benefit from financial support when creating projects such as we did. One, creative exploration is so healthy for the soul. Another important point is that money gives the artist the time and incentive to create. It makes it easier to complete projects in terms of materials. Also, there is financial security involved; for example, the hypothetical artist may be able to take less shifts at work. This provides the artist with time to create something beautiful. For creatives, it is so important to have projects on hand. This was my first ‘poetry collection’ and I have caught the writing bug. The Microgrant recipients can grow creatively.